I started this site because I’m going through a breakup with my partner of five years, and there’s a lot I still need to work through. I don’t expect anyone to find this, let alone read it. This is mostly just a place to process and put thoughts so they don’t keep bouncing around in my head.
What I’m really grieving right now is how two people can love each other a lot, check off so many of each other’s boxes, want to make it work—and still not be right for each other.
It feels like these endings often come down to things that weren’t even really in our control. Like more about how we learned to feel safe and connect when we were young that serves as our great overload that dictates our capacity and ways of showing up. That feels especially true when those environments didn’t give us what we needed and trauma is involved. And without deep awareness on both sides, the right timing, a lot of coordination and effort, and nervous system work… all these protective parts can easily build toward pressure-cooking instead of repair and growth.
A big part of life seems to be about honoring ourselves in the middle of all this. Not expecting drastic or unrealistic changes from anyone, but being able to see the system, name what’s happening, and use it as a kind of compass for healing.
So that’s what I’ll be exploring here—at least for now.